A Partial List of Reasons Why I’m Grateful To Be Off The Pills
August 11, 2009
So — just a little update here. I passed the 4-week milestone the other day, and to celebrate I sat down and made me a list:
- Because I’m starting to think clearly again, and, for example, I can make it to the bottom of a page of text without forgetting everything that was at the top, or I can open a new window in Firefox without forgetting what I opened it for. Like Don G., toward the end there I was seriously starting to worry that I was making myself retarded.
- Because I no longer have to face the monthly (bi-weekly, toward the end there) embarrassment of signing for a suspiciously-rattling package with a return label that reads “DICK J. ASS PHARMACIES” or some such while the sweet older FedEx lady, who reminds me of my mom and who knows me on a first-name basis, stands there smiling and chatting about the weather. And seriously – if you’re a shady internet drug-dealer/pharmacy operating in the grey areas of pharmaceutical law, wouldn’t you think it would be in your interest to at least stuff a little cotton in the shady bottles of shady pills that you mail to your shady customers so the damn things don’t rattle to wake the dead?
- Because drugs cost money, so now I’m $123.99 richer every month.
- Because as an atheist, it’s always been important to me to face and deal with the unpleasant truths of the world as they come, but that trading in Marx’s metaphorical opiate of the masses for a literal opiate addiction is about the dumbest, most hypocritical thing I’ve ever done.
- Because the same opiate fog that settles in your head also wraps itself around your pudendal areas, which means that while drug-addled sex can be kind of meh, rediscovering sober sex is totally awesome.
- Because I’m no longer envious of the shining gleaming crisply-dressed people who somehow are always up and walking around town early on weekend mornings, because now I’m one of them.
- Because one of the things drugs do is eliminate boredom, and boredom, it turns out, is an important motivator. So that instead of saying “I’m bored — I’m gonna pop some pills,” what I say is “I’m bored — I’m gonna call a friend, or read a book, or go somewhere and do something, or hide beneath the stairs and call to my cat and wait for her to come looking for me and then jump out and scare the absolute living bejeezus out of her and laugh so hard I almost pee, &c.” Life is incredibly richer as a direct consequence of this.
- Because sobriety really is the most rewarding state of mind.